I’ve always been a “don’t read the comments” person, but I recently read a social media opinion piece that was immediately followed by a cruel comment that I saw without intending to. It read, with my apologies for the language, “When they get to vote, they go full retard.”
My immediate desire was to fire back with something sarcastic or cruel (though the best I could come up with was the unimpressive, “Keeping it classy, I see”) but instead I shut the computer and took my sourdough starter out of the fridge to prep for weekend baking.
While I was feeding Sally (yes, she has a name), I started to ponder: What did that commenter intend to accomplish? I suspect that the “they” in question was either New Yorkers or people who aren’t white (the topic was Zohran Mamdani), so presumably a triple-whammy of hate. But to what end? I know that there are trolls who just like to upset people, but it’s mysterious to me what the point is. Do you suppose they go to bed thinking, “Yay, another successful day of anonymous insults”? Do you think they feel they’re making their moms proud? Is there an annual award I don’t know of for Most MAGA of the Year?
Or are they just so lonely and miserable that any reaction is satisfying?
Because I think it’s that last one. And, as much as this pains me to say, I think that means we should respond with compassion. Not every time, of course—sometimes we need to be loud in our defense of ourselves and our loved ones. Sometimes we need to draw a line in the sand.
But, as is often pointed out, people don’t join cults because they’re satisfied and content. They join because they are profoundly unhappy and isolated, and they believe themselves to be powerless. They want a savior, someone in whom they can put absolute faith, no questions allowed. (Ever.)
So what should we do? Well sometimes the kindest action is just to step away. You matter, too, and sometimes you simply won’t have the capacity to confront bad behavior. But sometimes we can ask genuine questions: What makes you feel that way? What was your intent when you said that? What did you mean by that?
And more often, we can simply voice our support for others—coworkers, neighbors, loved ones, and strangers across the vast spectrum of humanity.
Now more than ever, kindness matters.
