If you’re like most people I know, you sometimes feel like a fraud or a disappointment to your loved ones.
This feeling is pretty normal, but it’s also absolutely untrue.
The truth is that success is a) not particularly linear, and b) something nobody else gets to define for you. That means that your interesting little detours along your life path aren’t necessarily mistakes, but learning experiences.
It also means that what we should aim for in your professional life is whatever you want. People around you may very well define success as making a lot of money, having a job with a lot of responsibility and a fancy title, owning a big suburban house—but you don’t have to agree.
I know it’s a bit cheesy, but I have always believed that there is an inherent nobility to just doing a job that pays the bills, whether it’s a just-for-now job or something you love.
Even if you’re struggling to find a job, though, don’t think of that as a failure. There are lots of reasons it can be hard for many of us to find work: age, race, gender, the economy, your specific job market, when you apply, and even the mood of whoever sees applications first can all impact whether you’re considered for a role or not. There are some things we can do to improve your chances (this article has some good info), but also know that lots of factors are out of your control. This is, of course, both good and bad, but the takeaway is that it’s almost certainly not your fault if your job search has been going on for ages. (But articles like this one can be helpful.)
The next time your brain offers you the message that you’re a failure, challenge it. Draft a list of your successes, even the small ones. Write your own definition of success that includes the things that make your life rich, like loved ones, hobbies, and volunteering. Stay true to your values. You are not a failure.
