As a friend of mine likes to say, humans gotta hume, so there are almost certainly going to be times you disagree with someone, and some of those times might even be pretty emotional. But what do you do when that someone is your boss?
Well, there are a few things to keep in mind. For starters, how happy are you in your job in general? If things have been feeling bad for a while, you may be feeling on edge because part of you knows it’s time to leave your job. That’s a topic for another blog, but please reach out if you’re at that point.
If that’s not the case, though, you need to figure out how to cope with a falling out with your supervisor. It’s not easy, but here are some tips:
- Step away for a moment. In the heat of an argument, it’s all too easy to say things unwisely, so if you’re mid-disagreement, tell your boss you need a moment, and go someplace you can find your center a bit. That may mean you take a walk around the block or that you find the nearest bathroom and lock yourself in a stall for a minute or two, but give yourself the space.
- Try to assume good intent. I know, this is hard. But if you can convince yourself that your boss really isn’t just out to get you, it’s easier to stay calm and find a way forward. Even if you and your supervisor simply don’t like each other, chances are good that you both want the same thing, so if you can, latch onto that and try to find mutual ground.
- Find an ally. After a confrontation with someone in power, you can feel anxious about the future of your job and frustrated with the conversation. A trusted ally can be a great sounding board and a good resource. When you have a friend like this at work, you can absolutely spend a few minutes venting, but you can also ask that person to help you navigate the situation. (And don’t worry, you’ll return the favor at some point!)
- Have The Talk with your boss when you’re ready. This will be really difficult so prepare for it by writing down what you need to say. If you’ve made a mistake, admit it and think about how you’ll avoid similar errors moving forward. If you think your manager is taking things in the wrong direction, provide concrete examples. Be honest and as nonconfrontational as possible.
- Brainstorm mutually beneficial solutions. You can start this process with your ally, but then move the solution-finding to a conversation with your boss. I find it best to go in with some suggestions, but try to be open to what your supervisor suggests, too.
- If none of that works, quit. I know that sounds like a lot, but I have talked with enough people that I know that the common wisdom that people leave managers, not jobs, is really true. If your boss is just a jerk or someone you can’t get along with, or if there’s simply too much damage to the relationship, it’s okay to move on. Everyone in this situation is human, and we all have our quirks and foibles. And there are simply some people out there you aren’t going to like. It’s healthy to seek change when you need it.
Do you have other suggestions for dealing with a blowup with your boss?
