We hear a lot about resilience, but what does it mean and how does it play into career growth?
The simplest definition for resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune and change. And if your work experiences have been anything like mine, you’ve seen a lot of misfortune and change in the workplace. Being able to weather those without feeling like you’ll be broken in the process will save you a lot of agony.
So how can you build your resilience?
The first step is understanding that building resilience is not about trying to force yourself to be positive about everything that happens. You will have complicated feelings about any situation that feels like change or struggle. You’re supposed to have big and complicated feelings. Acknowledge what you’re feeling—change is always hard, even when it’s positive. The trick is not getting stuck in the feelings, so after you spend some time hanging out with your emotions, think about how you can rewrite the script.
According to the folks who study these things, the ability to bounce back comes from attitudes of commitment, control, and challenge: the belief that it’s best to get or remain involved with things around you (particularly things that are personally meaningful), that you are capable of influencing outcomes when you’re involved in something, and that you can grow through challenges and stress.
To do this, try to adopt these mindsets:
- Not the toxic kind (again, feel your feels!), but the kind that really builds up your energy. When your brain offers you terrible scenarios, acknowledge them, but also acknowledge that our brains often offer us unhelpful worst-case scenarios, and that those are rarely the case. I have been known to talk back to my brain: “Hey, me, I see what you’re doing but that doesn’t make it true. I’ve been in difficult situations before, and I’ve actually survived them. This story you’re offering isn’t particularly helpful so instead, how about this idea?”
- What’s making you feel the way you’re feeling? It can be a very real issue: discrimination, layoffs, bad bosses, and other things exist. People go through trauma and loss and unexpected changes. But what leaves you feeling stuck in a situation? Getting clear on that will give you a sense of how to recover better.
- Self-care. I know it’s one of those cliches we hear a lot about, but it’s a cliché because it’s true. When you’re recovering from anything, you need to take time to nurture yourself. That may be just time away from work, or it may be tapping into a spiritual practice or getting back to a way of eating that makes you feel your best. You know what steps to take to take care of yourself, so when you’re going through a difficult time, pay attention to taking those steps.
- Time with loved ones. This is arguably part of self-care, but I’m separating it because building social connections and having a strong support system are key in all aspects of life, not just when things are tough. And it can be easy to lose touch with those important people and withdraw when the going gets tough, so pay attention to those social ties, and make time for your favorite people.
- Commitment to new goals. These don’t have to be directly related to the challenge at hand, though of course than can be. Setting goals will motivate you and let you focus on growth as you desire it. Make sure the goals you set are personal so that they mean something to you, and determine how you will know you’re on the path to achieving them. And also be flexible with them do you still have things to work towards as you grow and your circumstances change.
- Another buzzword, I know, but I’m talking about a specific kind here: forgiving yourself for things you’ve done and mistakes you’ve made. You’re human; you learn and grow and screw up in whole new ways. We all do! Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat your best friend or your child. Life is big and messy, and sometimes we do things we wish we hadn’t. Letting those mistakes be something you learn from instead of things you berate yourself for will go a long way to helping you become a more resilient version of yourself.
